i have a part time job now. or i shld say i have 3. one of it is at a sourvenir shop in the city, another one in the perth convention centre and the last one is at grinners catering. The sourvenir shop was boring at times. When there is no customers and you have finish the cleaning. I seems to clean non stop. but i am tired after a while. I worked for 10 hours but only half hr break. but i keep telling myself it is better than nothing. i wish i could work everyday. I had my first job in the Grinners catering on sat. The event was a wedding of an elderly. they had a small wedding at their place. There were about 30+ guests. It was small and cozy. THe chef, Matt was nice and humorous. I like the job. I have not started the perth convention centre job. I am working on this thurs. BUt Anton seems fierce and strict.I am expected to know alot of things. I applied for many positions. but most of them had finished their recruitment. Therefore, I left with very little jobs.
I am looking forward to 29 NOvember!I will be the happiest girl/woman on earth on tt day. And i am very looking forward to the ALbany trip with everyone!!!!!
P.s. WHY GOOD THINGS END SO QUICKLY?

i am dead bored.I have been looking for jobs but to no avail. I applied for everything. From cleaner to banquet waitress. I dont know. This is going to continued for 2 months. haiz. I dont know how to feel. I want to perfect my assignment. but i lost interest in it.

we had a mini bday celebration for gerard last sunday. we went to the ferris wheel and had sienna for dinner. went to his place ot cut hisbday cake. it was his convo on wednesday.. saw lots of "Harry Potters" walking around in their grad gowns. It looks funny. after that, we went to northbridge for supper. os treat. i am going geraldton this thursay. i dun wan to leave vette here with her but she has school. no choice.

i woke up feeling sad,frustrated and unhappy. I am not sure why but maybe there are too much unhappy stuff going on. Relatioships with bf and sister are fine. but i have lost a fren. someone who was there for me for the past 3 years. because of men, I lost a fren. she may think that her decision was not wrong. ur bf is always the one u shld trust. but i didnt do anything to upset her much. i dun know how to tok to her anymore. i sense the awkwardness btw us. all this is because of 2 men. is it worth it to sacrafice a frenship juz because of guys?i am ot sure abt her. but i know i wont. coz i feel that frenship can last 4ever. gerfrens stand by ur side. gerfrens give u the support that u need. she may be blaming on me for taking other side. i didnt take sides. i jus feel that i shldnt leave the guy alone we he has no one while she has her bf . she is so happy with her bf. so happy till she and him are in their own world. wat abt us? she couldnt be always wanting us to locked ourselves in the room. she couldnt be always wanting us to not talkto him. she can have her happy moments. wat abt us? i dun know. i felt angry and upset. but she didnt know. i talked to her last monday abt this matter. she said she will think abt it.i told her to think abt it. but after i reflected for days. i find it ridiculous for her to think about our frenships. THINK ABT OUR FRENSHIP BECOZ SHE FELT ISOLATED. u said sorry for not joining our activities coz of ur bf. i understood. ppl would get sick after being reject all the time. tt is y we didnt ask u along knowing tt u wont be going. i am angry abt thinking abt ourfrneship. one week has passed with no answer. i guesss she had given up the frenship. well, mc said not to be bothered abt her. i cant do it coz she is my fren. and i feel upset. ow come i am the one who feels upset wen she doesnt even care. i dun know y it matters so much for me. i even dreamt abt it yesterday. her situation had made my stay in aus very unhappy. i wanna go home.

I left with 2 more months to going back home. I cant wait. I thought I was happy over here.. I tot i am used to it. but seems like i am dreading to go back home everyday. except fri and sat. os, vette and mi seem busy. I don't know wen did i develop fear of going back home. Although everyone is in their own room.. some how it is still an eye sore. i tot i will have fun here.. we will be hanging out.. but things went bad.. ppl thinks that they care about alot of things but they didnt see the fact that others also give in alot of things. i dun know y am i so bothered since it is none of my fault in the first place. I guess they are too selfish to think abt my feelings. I am frustrated!! but no one understands.. i really hate my life rite now. Weekdays are dreadful.. hope that i dun feel like this tmr.. i am really unhappy abt all this.

Today is the 4 th week i am staying in school till it closes. Everyday is manatory. School, home, sleep. I am craving for enjoyment and relaxation. Studying is a 24 hours stress... I even dreamt that I have gotten back one of my assignement result. I woke up immediately after that. *speechless*. I used to worry about work . I wold dream of work. But at least, I know i can enjoy after my work. I am stuck in Bentley most of the week. I cant believed that how i tot study can bring me away from work stress. Now i know studying is much worse.
Despite all the negative aspect of studying, I learnt to be a continous learner. I discovered i enjoyed gaining knowledge etc. It also taught me to explore other context. I learnt to think outside the box. $21000 to learn all of those. It is costly..
At least, I know where i want to achieve in life. I know i can only succeed if i dare to take risk.
ENough of those self reflection!

Things are ok for me and mc.. i am trying to be understanding.. or i should say i dun have the energy or the time to throw tantrum.. :).. so mc shld be happy!
i am bored now. juz finished my assignment. n i need to edit another one. haiz. i can predict that i will pinch and bite myself on 30/10/09. That is to tell me i am free from assignments and school! i can go home!
I am getting used to the life over here. i love fri and sat whereby i can relax and we will either cook ro go out for dinner with oslee and yvette. Gerard will join us occasionally. i love the feeling of relax and worry-free. i hate sunday because i will be worrying about starting another assignment which i planned to start on monday. I felt numbness in my brain at the end of the day. Studying is stressful.. but seems like i forgotten how to work.
i dun seems to have the time or energy to call ppl and talk to them.. sometimes i feel that i am always putting in the effort and call.. Y isnt ppl calling me and asking how am i? well, that is because i am not important in their life. or they are too busy to do that. but dont complain that i didnt put in the effort to call them. it is a 2 way process.
looking forward to every weekend, and the geraldton trip!! Surdiman is going to drive us there and visit his auntie on Hari Raya. Finally i have some life!

i am bored.. sick of studying.. sick of doing assignment..

i email him wee morning today.. he said we will tok tonight...now at the end of our 25 mins conversation.. we talked nothing abt the problem we had.. other problem is more important den ours.i love to listen to his prob at work. but i prefer to solve ours first.i am selfish and not understandin again. sucks! now he is goin out for some socialising .. i bet no talkin for the weekend again.. tok again on monday.. i really hate this feeling..had this feelin for the past 3 weeks. i am not happy.. no body cares... i hate this!i hate myself!i am disappointment once again.. how i wish i have no feeling.. i wish i didnt love anyone except myself..i am pathetic..i hate hate myself!!

there is a million questions in my head.. i couldnt do my assignment.. y do i have to be more understanding wen i am tryin? y do u have to say i shattered it all wen i merely said that u didnt tell mi ur whereabouts.it is true i was upset for a moment.. coz i feel that u think it wasnt important for mi to know where r u.. well. looking back, i think i am juz being nonsense.. y do i have to be upset over something small. but the phrase 'shattered it all' hurts mi.. it is my fault again.. i am not understandin.. haiz.. i wanna say that y do i always have to be the one who beunderstandin wen u r not.. y u didnt think u got to be understandin wen i am concern abt u.. well.. i dun think u will. coz i am not understanding.. i am sick of understandin.. understandin = do things that u like and i have to understand y u do that.. how abt u?

i am supposed to be studyin but i am not.. i am not sure y did i feel so empty wen i woke up this morning.. have been sleepin kinda little lately.. due to birds chirpin and unnecessay noises in the house..
i am bored, empty.. i wanna have fun.. enuf of sch!

it is Mc bday today.. didnt do much except for giving him a jacket wen i went back home and i sent him a college... i bought a brownie to celelbrate with him but he is out with his colleagues.. so i eat it tomoro..
suffocated with assignments lately..there is endless readings and honoestly i dun know how ma i goin to do it..i am stress..i need this second half of the year to zoom by fast.. too bad it doesnt..
watching big bang theory lately.. does it pay to be smart?

I realised long time ago that it doesn't pay off to be considerate. However, i NEVER learn my mistake.I worry too much for others.. and the reaction i've got is a negative one. MAybe my way of being considerate is wrong.I MUST LEARN!!
HOw i wish i never had feelings.
How i wish i never have a heart
How i wish i never let emotions overcome me.
HOw i wish that i will be worry free everyday coz i have no feelings.
HOw i wish i wasnt affected by wat others think or feel
HOw i wish that someone will understand from my point of view.. (obviously no one can)
HOw i wish i stop being a crybaby
HOw i wish i can be strong like a Man.
HOw i wish i have more brains
How i wish i can be far away where no one will know i ever exist,in this way i can nv be unhappy
HOw i wish for a alot of things
but all of it will hardly come through.

HOw i wish............. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It has been a long time since i last blogged..Sch term ended and wen tback home for holiday for 3 weeks.. i enjoyed myself very much.. The moment i touched down, i felt happiness.. Simple things like this couldmake me feel excited and happy. Mummy,nic and MC came and fetch me from the airport. WE went to KAtong for wantan mee as nic wanted to eat. De nwe head down to Tiong Bahru for my chee kueh.. WEnt home to sleep again.. WEnt for fish head curry at 85 with CW,nic and mc.. it was nice but service was yucky.. surprise gu gu at nioght and she hugged me and cried!!
went to URA the next day before heading to ah ma's place.. surprise ah ma.. ah ma was smiling all the way.. finally my weekend was like before.. visiting ah ma and going out with mc..
didnt contact any frenz wen i got back initially as i wanted to spend time with mc and family.met up with nic ,gwen,shu wen, ting,suat kim, kalyn,min,tee yu,mei ling,trina,yat,hui hui,maria,fazilah,nurul,yanling, swee chen.. enjoy every sec with them..
mc and i went to alot of place toeat.. P.s cafe, royal china at Raffles hotel, red star at chin swee and we got into an argument with a n ass who snatch our parking lot, greenhouse at ritz carlton,max brenner, old airport market etc... i am happy!!
now i ma back here in perth.. i was depressed... till now.. but at least better than last time.. it is not abt the people here tt makes mi dun wanna come back..it is the things in spore that i cant bear to part. well.. i got to cope..last sem..half a year to go..
looking forward to MC and CW cumin over here and we can head to ALbany!!!
JB with SUrdiaman,oslee,joyce when we go back to spore!!!
hope time past fast for this yr

it has been days since i last update.went to canberra to meet ching on 11th june.flew there alone.took cab alone.subsequently, we had dinner in one of the cafes.her hostel is nice,but the livng room and kitchen is very dirty,due to her unkempt housemates.stayed there for 3 days.we cooked,she bakes tiramisu and we keep having desserts! she brought me to visit the war museum,shopping around city, visit the parks and her school.Canberra is a quiet state despite being Aus's capital. Her ''friend'', Dave brought me to see the Parliment house and we had dinner at Redhill. on 15th june, Ching and i went to Melbourne by coach. IT leaves at 2330hrs.The driver was nice coz he allowed me to take my fleece wen i was freezing cold in the coach. we reach melbourne at 8 a.m.
Melbourne is a vibrant city. lotsa victorian stlye buildings, food is everywhere,museums and parks. went to shop in the city.the shops are huge.we stayed in Formule 1 on Elizabeth Street.Though the room was small, but it was cozy and clean.We ate Max Brenner, Bruetinni, drank hot bubble tea,salmon,and honestly i couldnt think of proper food we eat.We talked, we laughed, we pour out our woes.We ate ice cream at Lygon Street.There are lotsa restaurants andwe ate Gelato icecream.panda and lychee flavour for mi and durain for ching.
Yvette and Gerard arrived on the 17th june. Shopped around in the city, visited museums and went to Queen Vic Market.Had pizza foe dinner on the first place and had koko black's chocolate drink.Burgers,chocolates and pizzas is what we survived for the few days in the city.
went on our great ocean road trip on the 20th june, sat train to GEelong and we rented a Honda Getz. the view was magnificent and the hills and the cows,sheeps and horse were roaming around.. it makes us feel like we are in the movie' Sound of music'.. saw the famous 12 Apostles. The accomodation was bad on the first night.we stayed in a cabin. the bathroom was leaking and the floor was dirty.3 of us had to squueze in a queen size bed due to the cold weather and there is only one heater. the remaining 2 accomodation was good: the international inn at apollo bay and port o call motel in port campbell. we ate maggie for 3 days!the road was windy along the great ocean road.but i have nv regreted spendin money on this trip.it is worth it!
Our trip ended yesterday.reach perth at 0100hrs.
cant wait to go home!i sat all modes of transport:trams,trains,coach,planes,car.except helicoptor and ships and sampang boat.

i am blogging from Ching's com in Canberra.it is freezing here..couldnt go out much as it is too cold to eat out.cooked udon and had dinner early..went to National museum of Australia. Juz arrive yesterday.. took a 1010hrs flight. transit in Sydney.Reached home at 1830hrs Canberra time.2 hrs time difference..Finished my exams on Tuesday.I couldnt believe it. I amnot reading any school stuff or studying for exams anymore.i am watching series w/o guilt..i miss this lifestyle.i miss doing things without much guilt.. Next Melbourne!i am afraid of cold.and it is cold in Aus these days.. Hope vette could get over her exams soon...
N Singapore next! I miss home......

it was an unpleasant last sunday for me. Mc was unhappy with me.. :(
Things are fine now. Exams are in 2 weeks time. I am still correcting my research essay which is due on monday. I hate word limits! y cant we write as long as we want? everything in the essay seems essential.
cant wait for 10 /6/ 09 to come! my freedom day! finally i can get some rest.. i will hibernate for a day: sleep as long as i want!
i am goin canberra on 11/6/09 to visit Yen ching! den we will go sydney for a day and back to canberra again. My journey is very complicated.
11/6/09: 1030- 1630 melbourne
1715-1830 canberra
13/6/09 3 hrs coach to sydney
14/6/09 8 hrs coach to melbourne
17/6/09 Ching will be heading home in the morning and i will be alone till night when vette and gerard arrive.
24/6/09 back to perth
i feel giulty not celebrating oslee's bday which is on the 22/6/09.
i will try to plan something wen we come back.
25/6/09 PAINTBALL!!! excited.. but the weather is very unpredictable these days.
26/6/09 0030 - 0530 home sweeet home!!!
i love my holiday plan!! cant wait!!

i dun know why am i moody these days.. i had the motivation to study last week. but it is all gone this week..i dun know y..i have been sleeping..feeling sleepy less than 3 hrs after i woke up.. this is bad.. my body is spoiled.my head is numb.couldnt absorb all the info i have memorize.. i am lousy.. am i sinking into depression again?i dun want.. i am happy in spore.not saying i am totally sad here. maybe i exert too much pressure on myself.. i want to go home!i miss home.. ah ma, gu gu, mum, nic, mc.. everyone in spore except amanda lim.

i am tired to study.. no mood in fact.. think i study too much for the past few days.. the determination and motivation seems to die off. mum sent me an email today.askin nic to bathe the cookie coz she sinks! nic.. pls bathe cookie. if not she has to go to SPCA. dad said i am too free over here as i studied only 2 days. i am sad. i am studyin everyday! i feel so guilty if i am not studying. Sometimes we nv see wat others have done during the process. We only take the results into account.. Exams are cumin in a month. I miss spore.. i have been day dreaming abt spore everyday.

Things have not been going well for the past 2 days. i am tired. i did not have enough rest because i am waking up in the middle of the night either due to itchiness over my limbs or to ensure that mc reach home safely over the weekends. Both of us did not talk much for the past few days and it is pissing me off. It is either he is busy or he is going out or i have assignments and things to do. I want QUALITY talk.
SOmetimes i wonder do ppl come to uni to slack or to study. i am frustrated with them!!! haiz. i only can keep it to myself. i am tired from doing assignments. I need to study. exams are around the corner. It ends in 9 june. i am free after that .
for the moment, i am tired if the life i am leading now. physically and mentally tired. i really really hope things will be smooth for mi..............