Things are ok for me and mc.. i am trying to be understanding.. or i should say i dun have the energy or the time to throw tantrum.. :).. so mc shld be happy!
i am bored now. juz finished my assignment. n i need to edit another one. haiz. i can predict that i will pinch and bite myself on 30/10/09. That is to tell me i am free from assignments and school! i can go home!
I am getting used to the life over here. i love fri and sat whereby i can relax and we will either cook ro go out for dinner with oslee and yvette. Gerard will join us occasionally. i love the feeling of relax and worry-free. i hate sunday because i will be worrying about starting another assignment which i planned to start on monday. I felt numbness in my brain at the end of the day. Studying is stressful.. but seems like i forgotten how to work.
i dun seems to have the time or energy to call ppl and talk to them.. sometimes i feel that i am always putting in the effort and call.. Y isnt ppl calling me and asking how am i? well, that is because i am not important in their life. or they are too busy to do that. but dont complain that i didnt put in the effort to call them. it is a 2 way process.
looking forward to every weekend, and the geraldton trip!! Surdiman is going to drive us there and visit his auntie on Hari Raya. Finally i have some life!

i am bored.. sick of studying.. sick of doing assignment..

i email him wee morning today.. he said we will tok tonight...now at the end of our 25 mins conversation.. we talked nothing abt the problem we had.. other problem is more important den ours.i love to listen to his prob at work. but i prefer to solve ours first.i am selfish and not understandin again. sucks! now he is goin out for some socialising .. i bet no talkin for the weekend again.. tok again on monday.. i really hate this feeling..had this feelin for the past 3 weeks. i am not happy.. no body cares... i hate this!i hate myself!i am disappointment once again.. how i wish i have no feeling.. i wish i didnt love anyone except myself..i am pathetic..i hate hate myself!!

there is a million questions in my head.. i couldnt do my assignment.. y do i have to be more understanding wen i am tryin? y do u have to say i shattered it all wen i merely said that u didnt tell mi ur whereabouts.it is true i was upset for a moment.. coz i feel that u think it wasnt important for mi to know where r u.. well. looking back, i think i am juz being nonsense.. y do i have to be upset over something small. but the phrase 'shattered it all' hurts mi.. it is my fault again.. i am not understandin.. haiz.. i wanna say that y do i always have to be the one who beunderstandin wen u r not.. y u didnt think u got to be understandin wen i am concern abt u.. well.. i dun think u will. coz i am not understanding.. i am sick of understandin.. understandin = do things that u like and i have to understand y u do that.. how abt u?

i am supposed to be studyin but i am not.. i am not sure y did i feel so empty wen i woke up this morning.. have been sleepin kinda little lately.. due to birds chirpin and unnecessay noises in the house..
i am bored, empty.. i wanna have fun.. enuf of sch!

it is Mc bday today.. didnt do much except for giving him a jacket wen i went back home and i sent him a college... i bought a brownie to celelbrate with him but he is out with his colleagues.. so i eat it tomoro..
suffocated with assignments lately..there is endless readings and honoestly i dun know how ma i goin to do it..i am stress..i need this second half of the year to zoom by fast.. too bad it doesnt..
watching big bang theory lately.. does it pay to be smart?

I realised long time ago that it doesn't pay off to be considerate. However, i NEVER learn my mistake.I worry too much for others.. and the reaction i've got is a negative one. MAybe my way of being considerate is wrong.I MUST LEARN!!
HOw i wish i never had feelings.
How i wish i never have a heart
How i wish i never let emotions overcome me.
HOw i wish that i will be worry free everyday coz i have no feelings.
HOw i wish i wasnt affected by wat others think or feel
HOw i wish that someone will understand from my point of view.. (obviously no one can)
HOw i wish i stop being a crybaby
HOw i wish i can be strong like a Man.
HOw i wish i have more brains
How i wish i can be far away where no one will know i ever exist,in this way i can nv be unhappy
HOw i wish for a alot of things
but all of it will hardly come through.

HOw i wish............. _ _ _ _ _ _ _